Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
