He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
