Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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