Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
