I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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