i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
