Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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