i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
