I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
