How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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