thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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