i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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