I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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