I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
