i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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