I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
