I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize