dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
