2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
