would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
