Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
