Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
