no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
