It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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