Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is Oprah even human
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
