I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I stole a fireplace last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
