Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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