i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
