dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
