his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
