she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
