I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
