I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
