i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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