I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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