I wannas sexs uuuuu
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
