one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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