I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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