I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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