i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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