i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
