Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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