I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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