I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
