My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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