Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
