FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I love you. Go after that dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
