I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
