i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
