First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
