Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
