I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
