she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
