Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
