Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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