i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
