I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
