I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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