Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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