walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
