ugly people sure do ruin things
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
