dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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