Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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