It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
