Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
