I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The air was thick with penises
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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