I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
