I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
