I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
