I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
