Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
