guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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