Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
