Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize