she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
