Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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