I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
