I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
