i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
